Journal #161: I felt a desire inside to become a new guidebook.

It might sound truly arrogant and presumptuous, but.. I felt a desire inside to become a new guidebook.

Sunday

05th July

I had so many thoughts running through my head while jogging. People usually say their minds clear out.. Things related to the 'Sabbath', and the reason why I changed to live so healthily like this.. the reason why I must. It's as if the Father transformed me for my sake, and to use me. No matter how much my Father wants something from me, if this physical body isn't healthy, if I don't have the stamina, I can't do it. That is precisely what it means that while the spirit is infinite, the physical flesh is finite. I don't even remember why I first started working out. Caring for my body.. everything happened in an instant, like a flash. I merely followed it. And I know that was the exact point when I started keeping a journal. At any rate, for the Father's work.. the Father has been training me, and He is still doing so even now. He does not rest even now, working continuously for my sake. How deeply worthy of gratitude is this? I plan to write down the things about the 'Sabbath' separately later. I've only now come to truly realize its meaning.

The prayer I offered this morning was full of grace. It was because I felt even more deeply that everything—including what's above—is all for my sake. Not only that, but that the people at church are all serving the same Father as well. It's just that what their Father asks of each of them is different.

In the end, we are all living under the same Father. Even so, there's a part of me that wishes they could step further out and see a broader perspective. And so, following the Father's word naturally, I headed to church once again. Even though I had said I would take a break from volunteering at the cafe.. I ended up going after all. I was so grateful to the cafe team for welcoming me back warmheartedly. Even if there aren't going to be many customers for a while.. spending time with them still brings me joy.

Worship service is still not easy for me. Since I serve the Father within a different flow, it somehow feels meaningless.. Even so, the only reason I head there is simply to obey the Father's command. There is nothing beyond that. I do it because I have to. After the service ended, Beom-su asked to walk together for a bit, and we talked about our faith with each other.

When we first talked before, I had a feeling that our vibes didn't quite align. It felt more like he was trying to lecture me rather than fostering mutual growth. Even today that aspect was still there, but I was able to see his spiritual growth. It felt different from before. I think I felt that way because he began talking about truth and started opening up about his own faith. I spoke about non-duality and brought up the importance of contemplative prayer once again. Will he be a more spiritually grounded person by the time we meet next? Could this meeting be the very reason why my Father told me to go to church today?

Thank You, Father. For the words You gave me today while running and praying, for showing me how great Your grace is, how You have cared for me since I was young, opening my eyes and ears, and for awakening me even more as I have reached this present moment—thank You, Father.

Monday

06th July

It rains, then it stops.. Is this really the monsoon season? The shield design is officially complete. In the end, I couldn't achieve that absolute perfection I originally envisioned. Still.. it turned out quite high quality, so I'm going to choose to be satisfied with it.

If my coworker had taken the day off today, I was going to send them to Jongno and take care of my remaining tasks here.. but they came in to work, so in the end, I went to Jongno myself. Tomorrow, following Jongno, I have to go all the way to Gangnam for a sponsorship deal. Let me not forget that time is merely a concept. These are all things my Father gives me for my sake. I just need to quietly carry out the tasks my Father assigns to me.

Throughout my time heading to Jongno, going to the office, and returning home, so many thoughts and fleeting realizations crossed my mind. However, I couldn't write them down and simply let them slip away. What stands out in my memory is.. that all spiritual teachers lived a life of devotion away from secular things. Yet, I arrived at a different thought: to live a life of devotion right in the midst of secular things. There is no good or bad; what matters is becoming addicted to those secular things and using them to divide the world. Conversely, if one breaks free from addiction, refrains from dividing the world, and lives a life of devotion.. It might sound truly arrogant and presumptuous, but.. I felt a desire inside to become a new guidebook.

Regarding the sponsorship, I was thinking of going in person, and I hesitated whether to ask via message before deciding, "Let's just do it tomorrow!" and pushing it off.
Then, after offering my evening prayer and checking KakaoTalk, I found a message waiting for me from the manager.
It feels like I'm being told not to procrastinate.
They mentioned quick delivery or courier, but I expressed my desire to deliver it in person, and so tomorrow I plan to leave the plating work in Jongno and head over to Gangnam.

Lately, prayer hasn't been coming easily. Random thoughts keep floating through my head and won't leave. No matter how much I notice them and try to focus, my mind keeps drifting back. It really isn't working as well as when I first started.. Even so, I will keep going.

Thank You, Father. Simply for allowing me to gaze upon the present moment.

Tuesday

07th July

While going for my morning run, these thoughts came to me. Once again, I felt deeply that living under God is truly a grace. A life with neither success nor failure, a non-dual life, knowing that everything is done by the Father. Within that, simply doing things by following the Father's command—that in itself approached me with such grace. Everything became peaceful, and I knew I was residing in serenity. Even as I write this now, I feel a shiver of emotion and a sense of overwhelming grace. The existence of me as a mere nothingness, free from the anxiety and frustration caused by non-existent concepts.

Secondly—and this is something I have now come to realize with my heart—the Father has already given us everything. And the reason the Father asks us to do certain things is not to inform us or to use us. I realized it is not to give us more, but to make us discover what is already there. He has already given us everything, so He isn't trying to give us yet another thing! It is about discovering it. It is discovering those infinite things that already dwell within us. By realizing this, I gained a much deeper understanding of Jesus's words in the Scriptures and began to resonate with them on a profound level.

Gospel of Thomas, Logion 5 Jesus said, "Recognize what is in front of your eyes, and that which is hidden from you will become plain to you. For there is nothing hidden that will not become manifest."

Ah.. What a truly graceful thing this is..

There are only two lectures left in Instructor PJ Chen's Rhino CAD course. I am truly grateful to him. After completing my tasks and stopping by the workshop, I went all the way to Jongno and then to Gangnam. On my way home after delivering the items, a worry crept in—did I really do my absolute best?.. There were pieces that needed plating, but since they were for a sponsorship and bound to get worn or damaged easily anyway, I decided against it. To be honest, money was an issue too. Even now.. I still can't clearly discern. What was my own desire, and what was the Father's word? It is already in the past, and the rest is in the Father's hands. Whatever the outcome, as long as I remain awake and aware, it is the Father's path.

They said it would rain heavily, but not a drop fell all day. I sincerely hope it doesn't rain tomorrow, at least during the morning.

Thank You, Father. Thankfully, the weather was bright and clear on my way to Gangnam today, and everything went smoothly without any strain.
Thank You, Father. Even though I stumbled again with an attitude of anxiety and disbelief, thank You for allowing me to come before You once more with gratitude and repentance.

Wednesday

08th July

I don't want to engage in dualistic thinking like success and failure.. but as long as I am spiritually awake within the Father, every single moment is a success. The Truth is one and the same; it is merely the guidebooks that differ. These days, I am coming to realize so many things.

Where was it, all of a sudden? The place where this growth of mine began.. Just two weeks ago, I wasn't like this at all..
Perhaps it was the meeting and conversation with that person? Truly, in listening during that conversation with them, and in realizing things as I spoke, so much came to light.

His saying that "the 4th dimension must be resolved for the 3rd dimension to be resolved" is just like Ramakrishna's teaching that one must first realize God before dealing with the material world.
He had already realized this concept all on his own..
Also, his advice to read the Scriptures again through a shift in perspective was really great..
Though we operated in different ways, I ultimately came to the conclusion that none of the guidebooks are wrong..
Through that advice on changing perspectives, I also came to realize that I had been looking at things stuck inside a rigid mold.

Nothing much happened today. I've just been editing my blog.

Thank You, Father. All these realizations, and meeting that person—I know that all of these were planned by You.
That every relationship, every single moment up until now existed for this very moment.
And that this moment is, again, a moment for the next plan,
and that all those moments are for me as I stay awake—that is, for You.
So right now, for this very moment, I am thankful.

Thursday

09th July

Following yesterday, I tried to have a conversation with my mom today—I mean, a somewhat deeper conversation.
But as of today, I realized. I cannot change people.
When someone dismisses everything as impossible, using age, health, or someone else's experience as an excuse, there is really nothing left to say.
It's better for both of us to just keep conversations simple—like 'this tastes good,' 'this doesn't,' 'this is good,' 'this isn't.'
I realized there is no need for me to step in any deeper. I think I am gradually coming to understand why sages remain silent.
We may be in the same stream, but that doesn't mean we share the same depth.
And those who will listen versus those who cannot... though it sounds dualistic, I understand it now.

This is a realization I've held since yesterday morning.. Language and thought create frameworks.
The very moment I utter a word, it becomes a boundary. So, even the thought and statement that 'they create frameworks' itself becomes another framework.
Yesterday and today were days when the statements about language and the physical body being finite, while the spirit is infinite, resonated deeply within me.

Union with God. I came to realize that seeing this term as heretical is simply the result of failing to truly understand the statement.
Our Father.. is simply being with us without us even having to consciously think about it, and moving in accordance with His word.
We know our hands, feet, and breath exist without consciously thinking about them, and we move them without conscious effort.
And perhaps it is because we believe 100% with absolute certainty that they are there, that we don't consciously dwell on them and just act.
Yes. Just doing it. Doing it without even thinking. That is what I mean by union with God.
It's doing whatever comes simply because I believe 100% that the Father exists. In that sense, our faith is infinitely lacking.

I am continuously updating the blog. I'm thinking of adding only Korean-to-English translations.
The issue is deciding which language to use and how to post on social media.
Hmm.. I'm not sure, but somehow the Father will handle it and work it out.

I plan to go for the silver casting next Monday.
I'll safely cast two pieces each, and the extra one left over will be used to make the master mold and then cast the final products.

It was just another ordinary day, nothing much different!

Thank You, Father. My exploration, which began in April, has ultimately developed into an even stronger faith.
I realize that everything is according to the Father's will, and that my physical body is merely an instrument to reveal Him.

Friday

10th July

–

Saturday

11th July

After attending the Friday evening service yesterday, I slept in.
Since I always get home around 10:30 PM and head to bed around 11:00 PM, sleeping late became natural for me, as I usually need about 7 hours of sleep.
Since I had already cleaned the office yesterday, this morning was quite leisurely.
After having a meal and finishing up the Q2 anime I had missed, I started reading Hermann Hesse's Narcissus and Goldmund.

I felt like something mysterious is happening in my life. Truly mysterious things..
Moving beyond just talking about the general flow of things, the realizations I've had recently are appearing sequentially in Hermann Hesse's books as well.
It started to some extent with Demian, but it has gotten even more intense lately.
Take today as an example. This week, I wrote in my diary that language, text, and thought create frameworks and are finite, and that they aren't all that necessary.
In the exact same way, that very content is showing up in the book I am reading right now.

Ah.. Truly.. Truly, people who open their spiritual eyes and walk that path share the same experience.
They reach the same realization. The reason is that we draw the same wisdom from the same Father.
No matter how different our races are, no matter where we live, and even no matter what era we lived in, that wisdom is one and the same.
Because our Father is the one and same.

I realized that my behavior of trying to change others is also a way of judging and measuring them.
While looking through Hermann Hesse's achievements, I happened to see a comment like the one above.
Yes. I already knew this. Ultimately, unless a person realizes and feels it for themselves, they won't change.
Even so, I was trying to change people, and that was my own greed to mold them into the image I desired.
I should have just seen them as they are, but I failed to do so.
I am still so lacking. Learning has no end, and I am still just a presence at the very bottom.

In the evening, I had grilled beef tripe (gopchang) with the cafe team. I think it's been almost 7 years since I last had beef tripe.
And fried rice at the end.. almost what, 4 to 5 years? I've really loosened up on myself.
We shared various stories and had fun. There weren't as many spiritual discussions as I expected.
It was a bit disappointing, but then again, we can't always talk about such things, and listening was quite fun in its own right.

And that's it for today! Before I know it, mid-July is just around the corner.
May blessings and grace be upon everyone.

Thank You, Father. For providing this moment to share a meal today with such wonderful team members.

e99 *bY -18

~~Upload Rings to website and Amondz~~
~~Necklaces~~
- ~~Re-print~~
- ~~Fix something wrong~~

상표 등록 (In progress)
2nd Season
- Necklaces
  - Cast
  - Rubber Mold
- Earring
  - Conceptualize
  - Sketch
Reorganize the e99 website, like pics til it’s done for every product
Retake the photos of the earring that is on it.
Start Ideas, Q10 and Pinterest.
- Ideas
- Q10
  - Figure out how to link with Q10 and Payoneer
Change the product name of HK
Retake the pic of the Ramen necklace
Make a template of description for JP

wEAMI *bY -18

~~Turn the anime page into a page, like a magazine~~
- ~~Find out the references (Magazine, sns, blog, etc)~~
- ~~Copy!~~
~~Post top5 anime~~
~~Change the front page~~
~~Put the link to all words in place where the front page is needed~~
~~File a Tax~~
~~Blog -> Magazine~~

To renew a blog constantly
- Contact Page
  - Follow others’ sites
- Legal Page
  - Follow others’ sites
- Add Coolies Banner
- Make a fashion category
Write a post about what I expect from the summer anime season
Write a post about fashion
- Put this in my routine