Journal #170: In truth, there was nothing I desired.
I will live a life that kills tomorrow for today, not a life that kills today for tomorrow.
Sunday.. I don't know why I was so tired today.
I spent my morning the same as always, and after finishing my volunteer work, I came home and practiced contemplative prayer.
I could know and see that my body was sleeping. I was awake.
After praying like that, I ate, and while reading the Bible, I dozed off again.
When I woke up, the temple of my glasses was broken.
Oh well.. I didn't think much of it. Because it was simply something that happened by chance.
What is the true desire that I wish for? It is neither money nor peace.
Though I called it my true desire, this does not refer to this body, mind, or thought.
These are not my possessions. What is the true desire held by that which lies beyond them?
Every single stain that has accumulated must be wiped away. That which lies beyond is called the Father by me.
Identification with the Father. That which the Father wishes to fulfill.
This body, thought, and mind were created solely to carry out those things.
It is not I who perform the action. It happens spontaneously, and soon it will be identified with the Father.
- Beloved Father, though I am so exhausted today, I am grateful for this day spent continuously mindful of You.
Today, I started work at 6:30 AM and finished before 9:00 AM.
I did a quick workout in the morning and headed out in a relaxed mood, but I felt sorry for arriving late.
Anyway, since it finished early, I ate lunch at home and head over to Jongno in a leisurely manner.
I plated the pieces, dropped off items at the casting shop, bought sub-materials, and headed to the studio.
There were many things to do.. and I made a necklace for an acquaintance I volunteer with at church.
My skills are still lacking. And the Pavise Shield Earring.. it is so beautiful!
When worn, how can it look this beautiful..?
For the very first time, I am completely and utterly satisfied! I hope the rest of the Earrings turn out just as well.
Today, while practicing contemplative prayer, I came to gain various insights.
In truth, they were things I had already gained, but I came to realize them once more.
In truth, there was nothing I desired. In fact, I desired neither business success nor failure, nor money.
I had no greed for money. I had no greed for social success.
Everything was nothing more than a fog. Everything was a lie.
There really was nothing I wanted. And I gathered strength to go even deeper. Beyond thought and mind..
There it was. It simply was. The Father was there. He was quiet.
I strived to go deeper. He wanted nothing from me.
He was simply existing. He was simply present. The feeling of seeing Him cannot be explained in words.
Inside my chest.. should I call it a burning feeling.. or should I call it a feeling like something is about to burst..
- Beloved Father, please show more of Yourself to me, who seeks only You..
I went for a run in the morning for the first time in a while. The weather was cool.
I felt a bit too exhausted to run 5 km, so I only ran 3 km.
I had to go to work as well, and since it is physical labor..
Above all, I followed naturalness rather than my head and chest.
And then, while working, knee pain started. I don't know the reason.
In fact, a reason isn't needed, nor does a cause exist.
It simply started to hurt. Right now, it still hurts somewhat, but it has gotten much better.
Today, this thought came to me. Will I ever be able to attend church service again?
It feels like as time passes, it will only become harder to go.
I no longer worship Jesus. And now I don't know anything at all.
I simply wish to follow and serve that Source of which Jesus spoke.
Whether it is the Trinity or whatever else, I never thought of it as important in the first place.
Who created all that? In the first place, everything is merely imagination and illusion.
I simply want to follow. That which lies beyond head and heart.
Beloved Father, today as well I desire nothing. I am simply mindful of You alone.
Wow.. I am so exhausted!
My knee is gradually getting better. As expected, having a different mindset is better than whining about the pain.
My morning work ended at 11:00. However, new work came up, so I spent about an hour painting brass on the stairs.
After that and eating lunch, I headed straight to the studio.
Today, the acquaintance I work with didn't go to work, so they went to Jongno instead of me to pick up the products.
However, I have to go again tomorrow. First, I have to recast one Hammer Earring,
do laser soldering for another, and recast one Meteor due to my own mistake.
It is truly not easy!
I couldn't truly pray this evening. I was just too exhausted.. and I couldn't concentrate at all.
I couldn't read the Bible properly either. Whew.
Beloved Father, thank You for granting me a deep and restful sleep today.
Nothing special happened today either. I skipped the morning run because of my knee. Yet, surprisingly, my knee has almost completely healed. It really was just faith. Work ended at 11:00, but due to various circumstances, I ate lunch late. On top of that, Takoyaki.. well, I just took it as it is. Living in the worldly realm and belonging to it brings up many feelings and frustrates me. Everyone thinks only of profit, revolves around money, and believes they are right. They value the majority opinion and believe things defined and judged by human imagination to be fact. Even though those things simply exist, they do not understand that.. Even if I speak to make them understand, they close their ears and eyes. No matter how much I speak, it only hurts my mouth.
Even so, drawing them into my world would probably be endlessly boring to them.
Because I neither affirm nor deny anything of theirs; I simply view things as occurrences.
"It is just as it is." "Simply, an event has happened." In that kind of way.
So when I step into their world, I sometimes feel confused.
And then I find my center again, repeating to myself: "I am here," "The Father is watching."
Anyway, eating lunch like that, I headed to Jongno, and I finished most of the work.
I have to go to Jongno tomorrow as well, but I just do it because it's work that needs to be done. There is no reason.
Tomorrow is my day off from work. I should take some product photos as well.
Beloved Father, thank You always. Because You watch over me and hold my center, I am able to avoid defining and judging 'myself' and refrain from losing my anchor.
Today I didn't go to work, so it was a relaxing day. Though I am still as exhausted as ever.
The subway to Jongno is my new bed. I can sleep so soundly!
Although I do lean on the person next to me from time to time.
Today I picked up the remaining earrings, and I tried to make a Croissant Ring.
However, the casting shop for the ring displayed a miracle by disappearing at 11:40 AM, despite listing their lunch hour as 12:00 to 1:00 PM.
So I came back without being able to drop off the Croissant Ring.
It wasn't an order that came in.. Her birthday is coming up soon, and she previously said it was pretty, so I wanted to give it to her.
Since there is still plenty of time, I will go again next Monday when I take the Hammer Earring in for soldering.
- Beloved Father, thank You for being with me today as always without fail.
Gospel of Thomas 69
IS said some Fortunates are these ones who have Persecuted them, upper part in their heart/mind; they who inthere are have known the father in a
truth. some Fortunates, they who are hungry, So that they will make satisfied the belly of he who desires
I overslept a little this morning, but I moved through my tasks faster than expected.
And in the afternoon, I thought about going to greet my older sister, but I didn't go.
There was no reason. It was simply an occurrence.
Even so, my mind wasn't uncomfortable at all.
내 진정한 욕망은 아마 ‘진리 탐구’였던 것 같다.
모든 안개를 치우고 나니 보인다. 내가 그동안 원했던 건 진리였다.
내 욕망은 그걸 찾았고, 난 관상기도를 드리며 진리만을 탐구하였다.
돈도 아니었고, 그 무엇도 아니었다. ‘깨달음’ ‘진리’
이것들은 영원히 알 수 없다. 난 모른다. 하지만 그것만이 진리임을 알고 있다.
이젠 ‘아버지’라는 명칭으로 불러야 하나? 라는 의구심이 생긴다.
내가 어찌 그것의 이름을 붙일 수 있을까? 그저 그게 있음을 알고 있을 뿐인데.
하지만 난 더 알아가고 싶다. 모든 영성가가 도달한 ‘세계와 나’가 하나라는 것.
너는 나고, 내가 너임을 경험하고 싶다. 그리하여 더욱 사람들에게 씨앗을 뿌리고 싶다.
어쩌면 난 정말 다시 처음으로 돌아왔다. 그러니까 내가 명상을 막 시작했던 때 말이다.
그때의 나와 지금의 난 다를 게 없다. 난 왜 먼 길을 돌았을까. 웃긴 일이다.
물론 운명론을 말하는 건 아니다 🙂
- Beloved… Father, I now know that It was what I truly desired. Thank You.
PlatingPavise ShieldEgg
Put together with ResinEgg
Take the picsPavise ShieldEgg
Make the posters of all of them.Pavise ShieldEgg
Upload toWebPavise ShieldEgg
Key ChainGet the rubber molds
- 상표 등록 (In Progress)
- 2nd Season
- Earring
- Plating The Hammer Earring
- Put together the Hammer Earring with Resin
- Take the pics
- Meteor
- Hammer
- Make the posters of all of them.
- Meteor
- Hammer
- Upload to
- Web
- Meteor
- Hammer
- SNS
- Insta
- X
- Amondz
- Web
- Earring
- Reorganize the e99 website, like pics til it’s done for every product
- Retake the photos of the earring that is on it.
- Retake the pic of the Ramen necklace
- Conceptualize the next season
- –
- Renew a blog constantly
- Upgrade the version of PHP
- Write the Top5 Anime
- This Season
- Next Season
- Upload to Insta
Read one-third of the book I boughtOrganize the quotes and opinions, which are about spirit.
- Have two jobs.
- Apply to the class to get the fire safety manager certification
- Get the Fire Safety Manager certification
- Cancel Clip Studio before 11/10
- Read two-thirds of the book I bought
💸💸💸
Yearly
- eLEMENTOR pLUGIN ₩85,000
(oCTORBER) - cAFE24 hOSTING ₩60,000
(fEBRUARY) - SSL ₩40,000
(mARCH)
Total ₩-
Total ₩-
January ₩216,900
March ₩778,000
May ₩226,000
July ₩144,000
September ₩109,000
February ₩188,000
April ₩322,500
June ₩126,000
August ₩174,500
Journal #164 : 더 이상 기도에 관해 고민은 하지 않으려고 한다.
Journal #163: People mistake pleasure for happiness.
Journal #161: I felt a desire inside to become a new guidebook.
