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Journal #168: The place where one worships does not matter.

The place where I worship is not important. What matters is the mindset with which I offer it.
Likewise, where I live is not important. What matters is the perspective with which I live.

Sunday

23rd August

After realizing yesterday the happiness that comes not from existing for myself, but from existing for someone else,
I shed many tears while sleeping and during my prayer this afternoon, experienced a deep repentance, offered prayers of gratitude, and presented a letter of thanks to the Father.

And I remembered what my friend in Vancouver once told me.
He said that he felt happy when he was being used for someone else's sake—that helping others achieve their goals brought him happiness.
Thinking of that friend, I couldn't shake off the thought, "I still have a long way to go."
And I realized that these insights and awakenings have no fixed order; they simply come without sequence, according to each individual's experiences.
Therefore, one must never be arrogant just because one knows something. For just as they did not know what I knew, I do not know what they know.

After finishing my service at the church cafe, I headed straight home without attending the worship service.
Surprisingly, I felt more at peace. And as I mentioned, I made a deep repentance while praying. My face became a complete mess with tears and running nose.
With my head, I had said that I live for the Father and for others, but in my heart, I was existing purely for myself.
However, after awakening to the true feeling of living for others, for the Father's glory, and for the Father, I can now understand it with my heart.
In fact, I had caught a glimpse of this feeling when working at the Vancouver Christmas Market, though back then I didn't realize it meant existing for someone other than myself.

While offering a contemplative prayer, I made up my mind to express my gratitude to her without fail, and after finishing everything I had to do today, I sent her a message.
Because it was no longer about trying to build a connection, but simply wanting to share my thanks, I told her that she did not need to reply.

I no longer have any lingering attachments to the church. There is nothing left that binds me.
Because that chain was never fastened by anyone else, but one I had forged around myself through my own greed and desires.
I have now become someone who can choose to go to church, or choose not to go.
The place where one worships does not matter. What matters is the heart with which one offers that worship.
In the same way, where I live does not matter. What matters is the perspective through which I live.

Thank You, Father. Because I am awake, I can learn and know even more. Knowing that all things reside within Your divine plan.

Monday

24th August

This morning, I felt refreshed. It felt crisp, too.
Right now, I am looking for a job. Since money is only going out and nothing is coming in..
There is no circulation. So I need something to circulate.
I think I will probably head toward apartment facility management. I have my own routine planned out as well.
Above all, working 2 shifts allows me to run my own brand, and working in an apartment electrical/equipment room means I can also sleep, which is why I chose this routine.

The products I sponsored have finally revealed themselves. The boy group TNX wore them.
I couldn't help but be deeply grateful. It is also an opportunity to elevate our brand's credibility.
To be honest, I was doubting it until this morning, but thankfully they really made their comeback, and they wore our products.
Actually, doubting changed nothing. As expected, I still have a long way to go.

Finally, as for the color of the meteor earrings, the issue was the background.
Because I applied the oxidation treatment even to the area where the resin was supposed to go, it turned out black.
Every problem has been resolved. The Father is always by my side helping me,
and whenever I am about to let something go, when I see no path ahead, or if by chance I try to take a different path,
He seems to catch me again like this. I still cannot fully comprehend it.
The results of the things the Father works out might be distinguished worldly as bad or good in a dualistic way.
However, as it is always said, with the Father there is no bad, only good.
It is merely a matter of our non-existent illusions and images through which we perceive them.

Beloved Father, thank You for today as well. Thanks to You, I was able to wrap up the day peacefully.
Moving forward, I will strive to live a life of gratitude—not relying on past memories and experiences, but thanking You for the gifts that arrive from the unknown future of Your grace. Amen.

Tuesday

25th August

Nothing much happened today either. I sent out the engravings, and decided to hand over the rubber molds all at once tomorrow.

I am looking for an apartment facility technician position, but it is not easy. It seems I will have to broaden my search range.
There is a lump of tension in my chest. I do not know what it is.
It bothers me during contemplative prayer, it bothers me when I sleep, and it bothers me in many ways.
What on earth is in there? What am I supposed to realize? Please give me an answer.

Beloved Father, thank You that today passed without any trouble.

Wednesday

26th August

Following the journal entry I wrote on Sunday, I would like to talk once more about the Retreat.
The theme was "Emptying, Filling, and Building Up."
This theme seems to have struck a chord deep within me.
When serving and helping others, I was emptied to the point that the thought of "myself" did not even exist,
and by doing something for others without expecting anything in return, I was filled with the words joy and happiness.
At the same time, by allowing them to rest while I flowed down to the bottom to clean and organize, I ended up building them up.
All of this was unconscious at the time, and it was the answer that surfaced when I chewed on the question asked during our final meal.

The next insights I gained were the true meanings behind "Do not let your right hand know what your left hand is doing" and "Faith can move mountains."
Bruce Lee said that when he fights, it is not he who is fighting. When he strikes someone, it is not him hitting, but his right hand striking.
This, too, speaks of the unconscious state. It is about completely immersing oneself in the situation and forgetting the existence of "self." It is simply about existing.
What stands before me is also not defined by anything. It simply exists.
The saying that one can move mountains connects to Sakyamuni Buddha's words, "Mountains are mountains, and waters are waters."
"Mountains are mountains, and waters are waters"—this, too, should never be taken merely at literal face value.
They simply exist. In the beginning, names did not exist. A mountain simply exists, and water simply flows.
Then what does it mean to move a mountain? That mountain can become our hand, our foot, or our mind.
It depends on what we call a thing and how we label it. It is a difference in perception. And everything is merely a preconception, a rigid frame.
We call people "people," but if I call them "butterflies," to me, they become beings called butterflies.
It is just like Zhuangzi's fable: "Am I a human dreaming I am a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming I am a human?"

Today, I dropped off all the earrings to have rubber molds made. I expected them to be ready by Friday, but I have to go pick them up next Monday instead.
Things didn't go strictly according to plan, but it can't be helped!
Let us simply entrust ourselves to the flow of life.

Father, thank You. Beloved Father, thank You for allowing me to move within You and follow Your will today as well.
Please grant that I may discern my own greed and desires even more clearly through Your Word.

Thursday

27th August

Today, I went to Civil Defense training. I literally slept for 3 hours straight and was awake only during the CPR instruction.
It would have been good to stay focused, but for some reason, I have been sleeping so much lately..
No matter how much I sleep, there seems to be no end to it. I just keep sleeping all the time.

Because the Shield Necklace wasn't made the way I wanted, I had to fix it myself.
Was it because I didn't explain it properly? Next time, I should show them drawings or 3D blueprints when explaining.
I also wasn't satisfied with the Bandage Earrings that were ordered.
Putting aside the position of the post, the surface was far too messy. Honestly.. it felt like it was done so carelessly.
The thought "Is this a joke?" came to my mind automatically.
So something that should have been finished by tomorrow.. ended up being delayed again.

I shot all the photos for the Shield product and made the poster right away.
Now it feels like I've hit a limit with design. Nothing comes to mind.
What on earth am I to do about the earrings.. I now have to take product-wearing photos and launch sales this week.
So I had no choice but to contact that person again..
To be honest, a younger friend I know moved back to Uijeongbu, so I could have asked them instead, but strangely, this path crossed my mind.
I don't know what it is, but.. to keep it strictly professional this time, I set the time right before Friday worship.
Before, I used to set it for 6 or 7 PM, but since taking photos takes at most 20 minutes, I asked to meet at 7:40 PM.
Whether they will accept or not, I do not know.

Today has ended like this. Tomorrow, I have to drop off the ordered Bandage Ring NO2 for plating.
It feels like I really haven't had a single moment to rest this week!
Also, starting next Tuesday, I resume the cleaning job I had previously requested.
I plan to ask that acquaintance about an opening for an apartment facility technician as well. I am grateful that they called me right at the start of September.

Beloved Father, thank You. Now, I am no longer desperately clinging to the jewelry business, but am able to look at other things with a broader perspective.
Everything takes time, but I know that in truth, time does not exist; there is only the appointed time.
Please grant that I may press forward even more through prayer, and that the patience I hold may grow ever greater.

Friday

28th August

Nothing much happened today either. Lately, life is just flowing along like that.
As for the necklace photos, I will just have to ask anyone around me.
Because she said she couldn't make time as she went on a family vacation.
I did not attend Friday worship. How should I put it.. as time goes on, I felt like I was doing it merely out of form.
Since I couldn't focus during prayer either, it is actually more comfortable to do it at home.
If I grow distant naturally like this, I think that might be fine in its own way.

Beloved Father, thank You. Thank You for always granting me things to realize.

Saturday

29th August

Insights and realizations.. I have gained so much, but binding them into actual life is not easy.
I know all of this in my head and it touches my heart, yet putting it into practice is difficult.
How am I supposed to apply this to my life?
Perhaps "just do it" is the right answer. Just do it.
I do not know what is holding me back. I know it is not fear.
What must I do to apply all of these things to my life?
Living a life that exists not for myself, but for others, for the Father.
A life where I labor simply for the world, rather than working to survive tomorrow or to earn money.
Money is merely secondary. A life where I do not kill today to live tomorrow, but kill tomorrow for today.
Ah.. it is difficult.. yet I can feel that a transformation is beginning.
No.. does transformation even exist? I can feel that this is a process of finding myself once again.
I can feel that I am heading toward the Father once more.

e99 *By -05

~~Finish Tower Shield~~
- ~~Finish~~
- ~~Take a pic~~
  - ~~Product~~
- ~~Make a poster~~
- ~~Upload~~
  - ~~Website~~
  - ~~SNS~~
    - ~~Insta~~
    - X
    - ~~Pinterest~~
    - ~~Facebook~~
    - ~~Amondz~~
~~Earring~~
- ~~Get the rubber molds~~
  - ~~Egg~~
  - ~~Hammer~~
  - ~~Pavis Shield~~

상표 등록 (In Progress)
2nd Season
- Take a pic wearing the tower Shield
  - Upload to
    - Web
    - Amondz
    - Pinterest
- Earring
  - Plating
  - Put together with Resin
  - Take the pics
    - Pavise Shield
    - Meteor
    - Egg
    - Hammer
  - Make the posters of all of them.
  - Upload to
    - Web
    - SNS
      - Insta
      - X
      - Pinterest
      - Facebook
    - Amondz
- Key Chain
  - Get engraving
Reorganize the e99 website, like pics til it’s done for every product