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Journal174: Life is being lived, and choice is not something made by choice, but something that occurs naturally of its own accord.

Life is being lived, and choice, too, is not selecting something, but something that occurs naturally of its own accord.
We live while experiencing those choices, and how we view them is precisely what free will is.

Will you live identifying with the body, enduring all suffering, repeating the routine of desire and pleasure?
Or will you disidentify from the body, cut off all suffering, clear away the clouds in desirelessness, discover the light, and observe life?
That is the choice.

Sunday

04th October

–

Monday

05th October

Today I finished making Reels using AI.
It feels a bit cheap, but that's just my opinion, so I uploaded it anyway.
Of course, I also asked the acquaintance I work with, and he gave the Okay.
Perhaps thanks to that, it felt even easier to upload it.

Today was strangely a day when sexual desire exploded.
It's been about 10–11 months since I began practicing celibacy, and the desire was running wild.
Of course, I knew this wasn't mine and that it would just pass after coming, so I did nothing.
Even so, I could see myself continuously searching for adult content.
Ah.. the body reacted, but the mind/spirit did not. The body wanted pleasure, but truly it wasn't that.
It was simply an event. Moving past it is all that matters.

The person who held the funeral last week mentioned buying a meal for the young adult ministry members who attended.
However, I do not like gatherings where many people assemble, so I declined after saying I would eat separately.
The time has come to end an indecisive life. Let's make everything clear and straightforward. Yet, let's not cling to it.
Be clear, but simply follow the flow—since right and wrong, correct and incorrect, are merely illusions.

I guess things won't work out with the young adult ministry president I wanted to get closer to.
I asked for help with product photos, but after saying they would help, there was no response for a week.
I've already taken all the product photos myself anyway, and feeling like I was just holding onto it, I sent a KakaoTalk message to let go.
I told them I already took the photos so they don't need to help, and while I'd still like to converse, it's totally fine to act like none of this happened.
Because it really doesn't matter. It feels a bit bitter, but it cannot affect me.

I appreciate everything.

Tuesday

06th October

Why did Jesus use the word 'neighbor'?
There are words like brother, sister, stranger, and foreigner. But why neighbor?
I think it is because we are like a prism effect.
We are one. If language did not exist, would we have been able to divide each other?
You are me, and I am you. The Source is the same. It is only where we dwell that differs.

Today I worked nonstop from 9 to 12.
It was apartment cleaning, and since it was a hallway-style building with 20 floors, there was no time to rest.
The work finished in the morning, and I plan to work at the same place until next Friday.
I'll keep doing it alone, but.. since I like being alone!

Ever since I began viewing everything as a single event, there is less to write about in my diary.
That is.. regarding daily life. They are simply things that pass by.
It's not that I can't remember, but that I don't hold onto memory. I am now simply accustomed to writing about the present.

I appreciate everything.

Wednesday

07th October

Today I arrived early in the morning. I arrived 20 minutes early, intending to prepare and start right away, but..
The water hose started causing trouble again. Time kept getting delayed, and I tried my best to maintain my composure.
Honestly, if I were alone, I really.. would have just thought "it is what it is." Since if there's a beginning, there's also an end.
However, the lady working beside me kept nagging.. and the uncle kept mumbling, so irritation welled up inside.
The uncle didn't matter much, but it was a bit tough that the lady kept comparing this place to the previous company.
I didn't express irritation either; I simply asked her to stop comparing, saying that every company is different..

Because time kept slipping away, technicians eventually came to the apartment, so I just went up and ran the machine.
When it was over, I saw that the technicians had purchased a part and resolved the issue.
They mentioned it to me while patting my shoulder, and I felt that I still have a long way to go.
Of course, I kept trying hard to ignore my thoughts and feelings, telling myself that she was simply ignorant.
Indeed, I judged her as ignorant. However, I don't think I was wrong.
Because she was trapped in time and trapped in language, rushing and comparing someone else.

However, I did not define her based on that single event. Because it was simply an event.
Is this not precisely what practice in worldly life is?
If there were truly no one around, it would be peaceful, but we must live our lives and encounter others.
Because ants, trees, and everything in life lives while working.
What matters is simply how one lives within it.
Will I look from within the world, or will I look at the world from within myself? Could that be the true free will given by God?
Because life is not lived by me, but lived through me.

In the evening, the black resin arrived, so I immediately ran a test file.
If I just raise the exposure by 0.1 to 0.2 seconds, it seems like there will be no issues.
If everything goes according to plan.. I think the keychains might also be finished this week.

I appreciate everything.

Thursday

08th October

What was said yesterday—that life is not lived by me, but lived through me.
And that determining how to view it is precisely what free will is.
Yes. I am not speaking of fatalism, and I certainly cannot know for sure. The only answer is "not knowing."
However, I can know that the body, thoughts, and mind are not mine.
"Life is being lived, and choice, too, is not selecting something, but something that occurs naturally of its own accord."
"We live while experiencing those choices, and how we view them is precisely what free will is."

Today work finished early and smoothly.
There was an issue with an electrical inspection in the middle, but it was resolved reasonably well.
I didn't get annoyed either, and regarding the inspection.. I just thought, "Let's do it in 1–2 hours."
Since if there is a beginning, there is an end. Besides, time has become meaningless to me now anyway.
After that, I went straight to the workshop to run the 3D printer, and bought some clothes on the way back.

Today I had to attend a funeral because the young adult ministry president's maternal grandmother passed away.
I thought I went fairly early, but someone else was already there earlier than me. Since we weren't close, I had nothing to say.
In fact, whenever three or more people gather, I inevitably remain silent. There is truly no particular reason for it.

When I get home, I have to prepare to head to the workshop again.
I must finish up the 3D print job I started.
Also, if the ordered resin has arrived, I need to test it.. And since I have plans with an acquaintance this evening, I am writing my diary in advance.

I appreciate everything.

Friday

09th October

Friday

09th October

Today was the Hangul Day holiday, so I didn't go to the gym because it opened late.
Because of that, I slept in a bit. Although I had no plan to sleep in.
Even so, there was plenty of time left. Following my inner calling, I went to the 11 AM encoffining service.
It was the encoffining service for the young adult ministry president's grandmother. I was curious, and I truly followed my inner self.
Now that I know how to disregard thoughts and emotions, I can recognize it.

It was amazing. When I truly focused on the situation during the encoffining service, tears welled up inside.
Not for anyone specific, but the mere fact that the people I love were grieving was inherently sad.
Whenever evil tried to swallow me up, I tried to stay in the 'present.'
Every time I did, I could tap into that welling emotion.
They invited me to have a meal, but since I hadn't come for a meal..
Since I simply came to empathize with and share in the grief of the person I like and their family, I did not eat.

On the way home, I saw an elderly grandmother collecting paper drop some paper cups.
She tried to pick them up, but I could see her back was hurting.
Without thought or mind, my body reacted first, and I helped the grandmother. There was not a single ounce of hesitation.
And the grandmother said "Thank you" to me. I could only offer her a smile.
Lately, every single day feels exciting. When you lay down emotions and thoughts, every day becomes exciting.

I appreciate and love everything.

Saturday

10th October

Today I attended the funeral send-off service and came back.
I simply followed my inner calling.
Courage to follow one's inner self is not given separately.
That very act itself is courage and love.

I don't go there to impress anyone.
It's simply that my body and mind love me, and I love my body and mind, so we support each other.
Language is like a massive fog that blocks them.
No matter how much you erase it, it keeps obscuring. So I simply try to keep erasing it.