Journal #169: 내일을 위해서 오늘을 죽이는 삶이 아니라 오늘을 위해서 내일을 죽이는 삶을 살 것이다. • WEAMi

Journal #169: I will live a life that kills tomorrow for today, not a life that kills today for tomorrow.

I will live a life that kills tomorrow for today, not a life that kills today for tomorrow.

Sunday

30th August

Contemplation is also an addiction. I wish I could stop now.
Now, I just want to see things as they are and live in the present.

I want to stop using my head so much. I want to use it only for creation.
What is the point of endless contemplation anyway..

I didn't go to church today either. In fact, this felt more comfortable for my heart.
It was good to do the service work, and it was good to take a break from church.
I don't know how long I will rest, nor how long the church people will allow my service.
For now, I just want to spend my Sundays like this.

Beloved Father, grant that I may remain awake and continue to live within awareness.

Monday

31st August

The more I read Nisargadatta Maharaj's 'I AM THAT', the more my confusion increases.
It feels like a book even more difficult than 'The Myth of Sisyphus'.
After finishing this book and ending with Neville Goddard's 'I AM THAT', I intend to read no more books.
I know that the knowledge gained from reading books is also ultimately a form of experience.
However, now I wish to go beyond that and follow only the Father within me.
What is clear now is that there is no need to divide secular life and spiritual life.
Was it the Father or humans who divided the two dualistically? We can live in between the two.
I will live a life that kills tomorrow for today, not a life that kills today for tomorrow.
I have finally come to understand not just with my head, but with my heart, the concept that money follows.
We do not work or acquire knowledge to earn money.
We simply learn about life through labor and move forward by mingling with people.
Money is merely secondary.

In truth, we can live a satisfying life. Everything is our desire.
Even without traveling, we can enjoy happiness and freedom.
Even without eating fine food, we can enjoy happiness and freedom.
Even without living in a nice house, we can live in happiness and freedom.
Everything is made up of our concepts and differences in perspective.
Life flows in a single Loop. Breaking it comes from recognizing it and cutting it off.
Because there is pleasure, there is pain, and because there is pain, there is pleasure.
Because we want to eat something delicious, pain arises, and after eating something delicious, satisfaction and pleasure come.
And then, pain arises once again. What is the way to break this Loop?
It is to discard the desire for food. Food is merely food. The moment we swallow it, we no longer consciously dwell on it.
When we sever it like that, the pain of wanting to eat something does not arise, and we come to see food simply as food.
That is the true freedom the Father has granted us. Freedom comes from within. It does not come from the outside.

Beloved Father, thank You. As You always awaken me, I no longer desire anything material.
Please break me down and remake me further into a person who simply does good, without even perceiving good as "good."

Tuesday

01st September

I couldn't go for a run.. because it was raining.. haha..
Anyway, I woke up in the morning, took care of my to-dos, and started cleaning the apartment again!
Fortunately, it seems I will be able to build up a bit more capital.
At the same time, I am still looking for a facility technician position.
While working, doing it not for money or survival, but with the mindset of simply 'work is work,' makes me feel comfortable.
It is just something that needs to be done. It is a mere act, done neither for money nor for survival.
Within it, talking and connecting with people, and experiencing life. However, not believing that those experiences are absolute reality.
Of course, I talk about these things, but now I do not cling to them tightly. It is enough to simply know, perceive, and observe them.
The more one resists evil, the more attached one becomes to it. Let us simply know, perceive, and observe. For none of it belongs to me.

While working, an email arrived. It was a sponsorship email.
How was I feeling at that moment? Happiness? Excitement? Above all, there was detachment.
Certainly, there was something called happiness and excitement, but I was detached.
Because it was simply something that happened. I merely observed that such a thing had occurred.
If one attaches happiness and excitement to it, one is bound to expect again, and along with that, desire arises once more.

Now, what I want to do, where I want to be, and who I want to meet are no longer important.
Rather than those things, who I will be right now and how I will live in the present have become what matters.
Live the present faithfully. Live the present to the fullest. The outcome is merely something that happens.
However, simply know and perceive this concept, and just observe it.
Even these words are nothing more than language that confines me into a frame. What truly matters is application.

Beloved Father, today as well I worked hard at my job and worked diligently in the studio.
Everything is according to Your will; 'I' have done nothing on my own.
May I be reborn into an even more reverent person.

Wednesday

02nd September

Today was quite an annoying day. Even so, I didn't take my irritation out on anyone.
I simply observed it, aware that it was not my emotion, and consciously tried to pass through it.
The reasons for the annoyance: a machine wheel came off, making the work two or even three times harder.
On top of that, the older women I worked with were fighting among themselves, pouring out negative energy continuously,
and they worked slowly and poorly, making it an extremely difficult day.
If even just one of those things had been fine, I don't think the emotion of annoyance would have arisen at all.

Today, while reading the Gospel of Thomas, I came to realize one more piece of great wisdom.
It made me realize even further that my body is not 'my' body.
Is 'I' making the heart beat? Is 'I' regenerating new cells?
Those things simply happen naturally.
Then, is 'I' the one who thinks? Then, is suffering 'mine'?
Then, are emotions 'mine'? Then, does 'I' become the actor of actions?
All of these are merely natural occurrences—a single phenomenon and a single event.

The union with God spoken of by mystics. The union with the Father that I speak of.
Laozi's words that he who speaks of the Dao is not speaking of the true Dao.
The words of Jesus. All of these are speaking of only one thing.
Everything is not accomplished through the 'I' striving to perform actions as the center. It simply happens.
Only then will one be able to understand the true meaning of the scripture, 'Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.'
That it does not simply mean to hide your good deeds..

Beloved Father, thank You for always giving me good words.

Thursday

03rd September

Did I go for a run today?.. Was my body too exhausted yesterday?
Today, an acquaintance I work with came to the front of my house.
They prepared nuts for the machine with the missing wheel, but they were absurdly the wrong size.
It was too late to go back to the office, so we decided to just go ahead as it was.
Three 19-story apartment buildings.. but strangely enough, as I kept keeping my mind relaxed, it went well.
Without rushing, slowly adjusting the wheel and taking a bit more care, the wheel popped off fewer than 10 times per building.
Once I figured out that trick, the speed picked up again, and we were able to finish early in the morning.
The problem was that in the afternoon, my acquaintance suddenly had another matter come up and had to leave, leaving me in a situation where I had to do it alone again, just like yesterday.
I was planning to finish work and go home at 2:00.. but it wasn't until 2:30 that the work finally ended.
I could have finished around 2:10, but the water hose suddenly burst, which took more time.
Still, I kept trying to work in an awakened state. I reminded myself that work is just work, and that time does not exist.
My heart felt so much lighter. As I focused on viewing paper currency—paper that has meaning—simply as paper, the importance of money faded away.
Was it truly this easy to view work simply as work, rather than doing it for those sheets of paper?
Was it truly this easy to simply live in the present, rather than living to earn those sheets of paper?

Beloved Father, though not perfect, I have finally come to know a little of the present.. of existence right now.
However, since there is still too much I do not know to say that I know, please continue to watch over me so that I do not become arrogant.

Friday

04th September

Nothing much happened today.
It was exhausting, but I was not exhausted.
I am just passing the time, simply as it is.
Issues keep popping up with the earrings.
Now, I just view it as something that simply happens.
I have come to realize that cause and effect do not exist.
We hold onto the concept that because there was a certain cause, this outcome occurred.
However, it is simply something that happens. Is that past event truly the actual cause?
We do not know. Couldn't it have happened even without that event?
Let us just watch.

Beloved Father, thank You for allowing me to bring today as well to a peaceful close.

Saturday

05th September

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e99 *By -12

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상표 등록 (In Progress)
2nd Season
- Earring
  - Plating
    - Pavise Shield
    - Egg
    - Hammer
  - Put together with Resin
    - Egg
    - Hammer
  - Take the pics
    - Pavise Shield
    - Meteor
    - Egg
    - Hammer
  - Make the posters of all of them.
  - Upload to
    - Web
    - SNS
      - Insta
      - X
      - Pinterest
      - Facebook
    - Amondz
- Key Chain
  - Get the rubber molds
Reorganize the e99 website, like pics til it’s done for every product