Share This Article

Journal 164. I intend to no longer worry or dwell on prayer.

I intend to no longer worry or dwell on prayer. I've come to realize that the more I say it's not working, the stronger the obsession becomes, making it fail even more. If it doesn't go well, just accept it as it is, let it flow past, and simply do it. There is no need to be anxious. Not that I was anxious anyway. There is no need to be anxious about anything. Just receive things as they are, let them flow, and do it. Because both hard times and good times are nothing more than passing moments.

Sunday

26th July

I couldn't go for a run this morning either.. Was yesterday's journey too exhausting?
Though it did rain as well. Now I'm contemplating whether to stop fasting on Sundays.
Maybe because my neck isn't back to normal yet, I keep getting tension headaches.

Ah.. Fasting.. Is this a sign that I shouldn't do it?

Thanks, Father

Monday

27th July

Reading Deuteronomy made it even clearer.
Whenever prophets appeared in the Old Testament, civilization advanced.
With Moses' appearance, things that shouldn't be done—like adultery or incest—were established into law.
However, in that era, while punishing 'evil,' they also created another 'evil.' It was the context of the times.
At any rate, the Old Testament is a process of truly coming to know God. I used to receive this 'coming to know' merely as text.
I used to think, 'What on earth are we coming to know? God seems so biased toward evil..'
However, this 'coming to know' was something entirely different. Once I shifted my perspective to the God I have come to know, it reads so well.
With just one suggestion to change the perspective, everything now looks completely different.

I fixed the error on the earring, and I'm planning to print the prototype again tomorrow.
And at the same time, the key chain too, if possible.
I still have many worries. I feel like maybe I should get a second job now.
This is an important period. And I know it.
This feeling right now is just like when the cogs of my life began to turn in the past.

Father, thank You. Thank You for allowing me to know You even more deeply through the worries I had before, and through the connections You have blessed me with.

Tuesday

28th July

I decided to leave out the Korean coin (Yeopjeon) design from the Key Chain. It wasn't particularly pretty, as it turns out.
Sigh.. I'm not really satisfied. What does the Father want me to do?
If He would just tell me, I would simply do it..
Why do I hear no sound at all..

Thank You, Father. Thank You for training me so that I can listen even more closely to Your voice.

Wednesday

29th July

I wake up drenched in sweat. I can't keep the air conditioner running all day, after all...
Right after working out, I went straight to the office and printed all the earrings.
I quickly wrapped up my tasks in the morning, went to the office again to clean up, and prepared to head to Jong-ro tomorrow.

Nothing special has been happening lately. Nothing particularly catches my interest either.
No insights coming through. The church retreat starts tomorrow—I wonder why the Father told me not to go..
Maybe because I have to get the casting for the earrings done tomorrow!?
Because if I can't get it done tomorrow, the whole Jongno jewelry market is on vacation next week, so the timeline gets delayed..
And after passing the prototype stage, the earrings are finally all completed.
At any rate, it seems to have worked out perfectly.

Thank You, Father. Even if it wasn't a grand insight, You have given me a wonderful lesson. Thank You.

Thursday

30th July

An accident happened. The gemstones for the Shield Necklace and Egg Earring won't work.
I need spherical 2mm and 3mm gemstones, but I was told that's practically impossible.
First of all, bead-type ones are out. They're not perfect spheres, so they won't work.
And when I tried to send them for custom cutting as a next option, I was told anything under 6mm is difficult.
I was told that if I'm going to do it, it has to be done as cabochons.

So after leaving the earring casting and necklace plating in Jongno today, I pondered on my way home.
What should I do.. Redesigning it from scratch was the easy part. But it was tedious.
Then what should I do.. What is it that I can do right now.. That was all I thought about. Indeed. Unlike before, there was no panic, no anxiety, no rush, and no impatience.
Instead of those feelings, I naturally focused on what to do next. My head was spinning without rest.
And I reached a conclusion: Resin. If I apply it through doming, it's completely possible.
We could achieve the exact color we wanted, and going further, it would even save costs.
While thinking through that, I was able to push it even further: 3D printer resin.
Since it's resin anyway.. It was simply a matter of cleanly forming the sphere and painting it.
Why couldn't I come up with such a simple idea earlier?
The reason was simple: I had been separating epoxy and resin into different categories. Understandably so, since my partner didn't know either.
However, the base material for both is resin; the only difference is whether you use UV or a two-part epoxy.
Fascinatingly, I came to realize this through another piece of work, which sparked a chain reaction of new ideas.
Of course, I'll have to test it out to be certain, but I know this will work. And I will make it work.

Father always helps me like this. Truly.. Truly, I cannot help but be deeply grateful.

Thank You, Father. Thank You for always helping and guiding me. Everything I gain, I will use solely for Your glory.

Friday

31st July

Today I went to Jong-ro to pick up the earrings I had left for casting.
Nothing out of the ordinary happened in the morning. To start, the Egg Earring went completely missing.
The rest seemed to have turned out alright, but.. the Pavis Shield Earring didn't come out properly.
So I have to go back to Jongno as soon as their vacation ends next week.
The good thing today was that the Huggie Earring works really well! It was the item I cared about the most.

My business partner says he's taking next week off. He says he's going to Vietnam with his girlfriend..
To be honest, when I heard that, my mood didn't swing wildly, but a slightly negative thought passed through.
I'm investing all my time and money into this, but that partner isn't.
He does everything he wants to do on the side. Of course, once sales start, I'll take a 7:3 split at first..
Setting that aside, just his mindset bothered me a bit.
However, he has his own mindset, and expecting more from him than this is just my own greed and desire.
I'm still looking at people through dualism. I need more training.

In the evening, I talked about the earrings with my partner at the office and then went to church.
The church retreat has been going on since yesterday. A unit group came to perform praise and lead worship.
And at the end, the young adults, middle and high schoolers, and even kids went up to the front and danced around.
Naturally, I watched from the back. They looked happy even from the worship service itself.
Ah.. They were fully immersed in the worship. Immersed in the praise. Immersed in the sermon.
How was I listening to the worship?.. What does praise mean to me now?..
If you ask whether I'm still searching, that's not it. If you ask whether I've already found it, that's not it either.

As I was writing in my diary, I found myself envious of him.
When he no-showed in the past, he said it was because he gets so immersed in his work that he forgets things if he doesn't set an alarm.
He said he didn't even know why he hadn't set an alarm back then, but.. setting that aside!
I envy that power of immersion. Immersion to the point of forgetting what comes next. Immersion to the point of forgetting an appointment.
I believe I mentioned before that he gets deeply immersed in listening, too.
Maybe one of the things I should learn from him is that very immersion?

Thank You, Father. Thank You for keeping my center grounded today amid many events, and for preventing me from leaning into negative emotions.

Saturday

1st August

Nothing major happened today either. Except for bringing the products to photograph from the office this morning, I didn't even go outside.
I am a bit busy taking product photos and making posters.
Since it's my own business, I could take it easy if I wanted to, but Father keeps telling me to keep making them.
Then, after dinner, I watched 'Tokyo Revengers' in my remaining time. Tears welled up..
And now I'm wrapping up and writing my diary.

While taking a shower, a certain thought crossed my mind. I should have written it down right away..
It was probably a thought about salvation. I believe that I have already received salvation.
That salvation resides within me. And that salvation lies in obeying the Father's word.
It was this kind of thought, but Senior Pastor's sermon from yesterday came together with it.
I think he said that salvation is movement.. From a certain perspective, the explanations differ, but the essence was the same.
I said salvation is already within me, and it lies in moving according to the Father's word.
Senior Pastor is saying the same thing. Without movement, there is no salvation. Salvation does not come simply by saying you believe.
And within firm faith, movement is bound to follow. Perhaps Senior Pastor is a mystic.
Also, I could tell through his direct mention of the word Gnosis, his remarks on godliness (Pietism), and his statements about synchronization with the Father.
It's just that his way of explaining is different from mine. Although, of course, I am not a Gnostic.
I thought it might be fun to have a conversation with Senior Pastor someday.
Perhaps he would receive my thoughts on non-duality quite well?

At the same time, I started looking forward to having a conversation with her who I mentioned a lot. I want to talk to her.
I want to share so many stories. But even this expectation is something I must let go of.
So.. now I need to focus on what I have to do right now.

Thank You, Father. Thank You for giving me the creativity and abundant inspiration to create posters today as well.

e99 *By -08

~~Take the pics~~
- ~~Products~~
  - ~~Excalibur~~
  - ~~Crown~~
  - ~~Bandage 2~~
~~Earring~~
- ~~Finish Designing~~
- ~~Print~~
- ~~Fix something wrong~~
- ~~Re-print~~
- ~~Cast~~
~~Key Chain~~
- ~~Sketch~~
- ~~Design~~
- ~~Finish Designing~~
- ~~Print~~
- ~~Fix something wrong~~
~~Make the expense tracker~~
~~Go through the Q10~~
~~Buy all of the jewelry findings we need~~

상표 등록 (In Progress)
2nd Season
- Necklace
  - Finish the shield necklace
  - Take the pics
    - - Shield
    - Wearing
      - Excalibur
      - Crown
      - Bandage 2
      - Shield
  - Make the posters
    - Excalibur
    - Crown
    - Bandage 2
    - Shield
  - Upload
    - To Website
    - To Amondz
    - To Q10
- Earring
  - Fix the design
  - Print
  - Cast
- Key Chain
  - Sketch
  - Design
  - Finish Designing
  - Print
  - Fix something wrong
Reorganize the e99 website, like pics til it’s done for every product