-Monday-

I think I’m drowned in nihilism.

I was thinking about what life is.

 Determinism, quantum mechanics, and any philosophy.

But those finally arrived into nihilism at the end of the moment

Also, Nietzsche couldn’t find the answer to it.

He also soothes himself using Active Nihilism.

I know where he’s coming from.

But from my perspective, it is different.

But this way also is not the answer. I also soothe myself.

However, I can ask you If there is none at the end of life, why don’t you do anything?

Anyhow, no one will remember you for what you have done or what you said, because you were nothing when you die.

You know, you are nothing when you die, so you can do everything.

I’m trying to think like this perhaps, nihilism is the benefit, not the penalty. 

-Wednesday-

It is already getting ended a July.

Time is so fast, and I haven’t achieved anything since I came here.

But I have a lot of ideas, yeah, still left a lot.

I haven’t overcome nihilism yet, but still trying how to do it.

I shouldn’t have thought about what life is.

Perhaps, my point may be the same as Nietzsche 

Anyhow, I’ve been thinking about capitalism as well.

If I didn’t know about philosophy well, it would be better.

Honestly, I’m jealous of a person who doesn’t know well.

 But I swear, some days I will realize all of my thoughts.

-Friday-

Finally, he left this house yesterday.

But his last was so bad..

The police came here with guns and they were surrounding around this house.

I don’t know exactly what he has done but he doesn’t relate to this house.

Anyhow, he was in his room with his mother and he was talking to them through the window.

But he didn’t get out there, the police rang the doorbell.

But I didn’t want to open the door because nobody knew what he would do in the future.

So I thought his mother could handle him that he got out himself.

But Alex opened it, and they said to us we should go outside.

Then after 10 minutes, he was arrested. Actually, I was afraid of what would happen to me when the future.

But It can not be helped, there’s no use crying over spilled the milk, and I had to accept it.

I couldn’t see his mother’s face. I was so sorry..

But come to think of it, we had to cooperate with the police. That is the law.

Anyhow, If there is nothing I can control, all I gotta follow the flow.

-Saturday-

I’ve been thinking about philosophy recently.

I want to stop thinking about it, but it is so fun.

I went for a walk around downtown and thought of what was important between inner and external.

You know, I decided to think of me as a nothing.

And everybody is also nothing seeing my mind.

The mind and body are separate individuals from each other.

I’m thinking about my mind is real me and I’ve just been borrowing the body.

So what is the more important between inner and external?

I can’t give you the answers now. You know everything is meaningless.

If you die, your body will disappear and your mind will be gone somewhere.

But I’m attracted to someone who is beautiful. But I know that is meaningless..

It is conflicted with my philosophy, I can’t figure out how to escape.

It is a contradiction, but I will figure out the answers.

-Sunday-

I’m day off tomorrow.

I want to work tomorrow actually because If we don’t work, 

we will be chased by the schedule.

I don’t want to work in a hurry.

Anyway, I was upset with Alex, I don’t know why he treats me as if I’m a child.

He’s been about to teach me today. I don’t like it.

I’m an adult, I know what I should do. 

And Jarel’s mother came here to take away his stuff, she said she was sorry to me although she didn’t have any fault.

In the afternoon, I called 승언, I think he was really more mature than me.

I like him, he is always giving me the advice.