{"id":15059,"date":"2026-07-05T08:04:00","date_gmt":"2026-07-04T23:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/weami.kr\/?p=15059"},"modified":"2026-07-11T17:04:55","modified_gmt":"2026-07-11T08:04:55","slug":"journal160","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/weami.kr\/en\/journal160\/","title":{"rendered":"Journal #160\n\nLet's try doing things I've never done before. It doesn't matter what others think of me or how they look at me."},"content":{"rendered":"
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\"Journal\"\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t

Journal #160\n\nLet's try doing things I've never done before. It doesn't matter what others think of me or how they look at me.<\/a><\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

But I'm curious right now. Curious about what the outcome will be if I say what I want to say in this state. If I just let it pass without doing anything, I expect there will be no outcome at all.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\tX<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/i>\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\tInstagram<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/i>\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\tThreads<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/i>\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\tE99<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
<\/div>
Sunday<\/div>
28th June<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

Volunteering at the cafe today was so quiet. And I also spoke up to say I'd be taking a break for a while.\n\nThe words didn't come out easily.\n\nIt was a volunteer gig I had started on a whim, but still, since it had been such a short time..\n\nI didn't attend the service today either.\n\nBefore, I would have felt somewhat uncomfortable doing that, but right now I feel light.\n\nI just let things flow naturally. It seems nothing should be forced.\n\nThere really is a time for everything.\n\nFor now, I don't plan on going to church for the time being.\n\nOf course, who knows how I'll feel when next week comes.\n\nBut as of right now, that's where my mind is at.<\/p>

I still have a migraine caused by shoulder pain. Could it really be a microfracture..?\n\nWell.. it is improving anyway! Tomorrow I'm going to work out for the first time in a while.\n\nJust thinking about destroying my chest muscles already puts me in a great mood.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

  1. Thank you, Father. For giving me peace of mind even when I don't go to church.<\/p><\/li><\/ol>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

    \n\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t
    <\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
    <\/div>
    Monday<\/div>
    29th June<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

    My migraine was so severe that I couldn't sleep properly. Of course, it carried over into the morning.\n\nFortunately, it improved a lot while working out, and it completely cleared up while doing Contemplative Prayer.\n\nThe Father helped me. I also cut my long hair for the first time in a while.. I'm back to short hair.\n\nNext time, I'm planning to get a buzz cut. That really seems to be the hair style I genuinely want to do.<\/p>

    When it came to the church issue, I was left on read by the last person I wanted to speak with!\n\nThere was honestly zero romantic intent. I just needed to take product photos too..\n\nI mentioned wanting to have a chat over lunch or coffee, but they left me on read.\n\nHonestly, it's something I could just brush off. And I could just fade away.\n\nBut right now, I'm curious. Curious about what the outcome will be if I say what I want to say in this state.\n\nIf I just let it pass without doing anything, I expect there will be no outcome at all.\n\nLet's try doing things I've never done before. It doesn't matter what others think of me or how this person looks at me.\n\nI stand tall, and the Father knows. So.. is there really anything to fear?<\/p>

    Lastly, I want to meet people who hold the same beliefs as I do.\n\nBut it isn't easy to find them. I'm not a New Ager, nor am I a Gnostic.\n\nI simply want to meet someone who follows the true teachings of Jesus through the Gospel of Thomas.<\/p>

    Honestly, it doesn't matter to me whether that person is a New Ager or a Gnostic. I just want to talk with someone.\n\nI can't do that with people at church. I don't want to plant even a tiny seed of doubt in them.<\/p>

    I'm in the process of onboarding with Idus and Qoo10 Japan. Qoo10 seems like a fairly easy entry process.\n\nIdus, on the other hand, feels a bit trickier. The commission fees are high, too.. But since visibility is key, I definitely need to give it a shot.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

    \n\t\t\t\t
    \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

    1. Thank you, Father. For already giving me the courage I need.<\/p><\/li><\/ol>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

      \n\t\t\t\t
      \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
      \n\t\t\t
      <\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
      \n\t\t\t\t
      \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
      \n\t\t\t\t\t
      \n\t\t\t\t
      \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
      <\/div>
      Tuesday<\/div>
      30th June<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
      \n\t\t\t\t
      \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

      It's starting to feel warm even when I go out at dawn now. Still, running early in the morning is way better than in the middle of the day.\n\nWe cast 4 necklaces, and if we just touch up the details a bit, they're going to turn out really pretty.\n\nMy teammate was completely satisfied with them too.\n\nAnd the really great news is.. we got a sponsorship inquiry!!\n\nAnd it's for GRAY and a rookie idol group's M\/V shoot!\n\nHonestly, Father.. I almost forgot that I need to give thanks to You first.\n\nThe fact that traffic and engagement keep coming in even though we didn't run massive ads is a really good sign!\n\nBecause of our tight budget, we only ran about 10,000 KRW a day.. but the response keeps coming.\n\nWe've actually made real sales to customers, and now we're getting sponsorship inquiries like this too!<\/p>

      Thank you, Father. You have already given me everything, and all that remains is for me to believe and act.\n\nEven if it falls under the concept of what people call \"failure,\" I know that too is ultimately a good thing for me.\n\nFor I know that all these are merely concepts created by human beings, a matter of perspective.\n\nSo Father, I make no resolutions, but I will keep repeating this to myself:\n\nMay the self stay far away, may everything be filled with the Father, and may my inside and outside no longer be divided, but unified as one. Amen.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

      \n\t\t\t\t
      \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
      1. Thank you, Father. I am truly grateful for the fact that the only One I can fully rely on is You.<\/li><\/ol>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
        \n\t\t\t\t
        \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
        \n\t\t\t
        <\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
        \n\t\t\t\t
        \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
        \n\t\t\t\t\t
        \n\t\t\t\t
        \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
        <\/div>
        Wednesday<\/div>
        01st July<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
        \n\t\t\t\t
        \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

        Half the year has already flown by, and it's already July.. It's getting way too hot.\n\nLately, I've been debating whether to do a bulk-up. The weights aren't going up, and my weight actually went down.\n\nI've decided not to start Etsy after all. I made several inquiries, but both sides just told me to figure it out myself.\n\nIn short, I'd have to open a brand-new shop, but it feels like too much of a hassle.. and a waste of time.\n\nIt feels like the Father is telling me not to do it.<\/p>

        \"Needy Streamer Overload\" was just chosen as my new top anime\/game of all time.\n\nThe direction, art style, philosophy, and message \u2014 everything about it was utterly perfect for me.<\/p>

        The designs for Season 2 necklaces are almost complete.\n\nToday I'll cast the final Prototype, and with just a few more tweaks, the master pattern will be ready next week.<\/p>

        In the evening, I met up with my church group leader. To be honest, before meeting him, I wondered what we would even talk about.\n\nWell, somehow I ended up laying out my entire belief system to him..\n\nHe is extremely faithful. Truly devoted. I hope his faith continues strong into the future.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

        \n\t\t\t\t
        \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

        1. Thank you, Father. For granting a steadfast heart to this brother, even though his beliefs differ from mine.<\/p><\/li><\/ol>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

          \n\t\t\t\t
          \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
          \n\t\t\t
          <\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
          \n\t\t\t\t
          \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
          \n\t\t\t\t\t
          \n\t\t\t\t
          \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
          <\/div>
          Thursday<\/div>
          02nd July<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
          \n\t\t\t\t
          \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

          I overslept yesterday, so I was a bit tired in the morning, but I got up fine and had a good run.\n\nAll my condition is completely back to normal.<\/p>

          In the morning, I had to head to the office unexpectedly. I needed to do the shoot and collect the castings.\n\nThings I should have taken care of last night..\n\nAfter gathering the necklace patterns for the sponsorship, I came back home and studied English for a bit.\n\nAnd then I headed off to Nowon.<\/p>

          I left pretty early so I wouldn't be late, but ended up arriving way too early, so I took a nice long walk.\n\nThe person I was meeting also arrived earlier than scheduled.. so we got straight to eating and talking.\n\nThey turned out to be much deeper than I expected. That made it so easy to communicate with them. It had been a while since I enjoyed a conversation that much.\n\nListening to each other's perspectives, it wasn't a conversation confined strictly to Christianity, but a much broader, spiritual dialogue.\n\nThat was exactly what I had been longing for\u2014the kind of conversation through which I could grow.\n\nBeyond just the conversation, there was something to learn from their attitude as well: active listening.\n\nListening all the way to the end without interrupting me\u2014something I had previously felt I really needed to master myself.\n\nWhen they spoke, I naturally focused and found myself drawn into their voice.\n\nMoved by their attentive listening, I also tried my best in that moment to set aside my own thoughts and ego to truly hear them.\n\nThe fact that she wore almost no makeup was kind of a neat charm. It doesn't mean I fell for her, but I just felt like I'd like to meet her again.\n\nTime flew by past two hours, and I almost forgot to do the photo shoot, so I wrapped that up real quick.\n\nGratefully, she gave me a ride to Nowon Station, which allowed me to quickly head over to Jongno.<\/p>

          After dropping off the pieces in Jong-ro, I came home, ate dinner, and practiced CAD.\n\nAfter doing 30 minutes, I took a 15-minute break, but ended up sleeping for 2 hours.\n\nFatigue must have really been piling up. Skipping Japanese and stretching for a day is totally fine.\n\nHowever, prayer was the one thing I didn't want to skip. Reading the Bible would have been good too, of course.. but I prefer prayer.\n\nMy contemplative prayer still doesn't flow as smoothly as it used to. It feels blocked somewhere.\n\nIronically, because I already know that peace and the feeling of being filled with the Father from the beginning, it's blocked by the ego that wants to chase that feeling again.\n\nStill, everything is a lesson. If I stay aware, there is something to learn even in this very moment.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

          \n\t\t\t\t
          \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
          1. Thank you, Father. For allowing me to share such a good conversation with my acquaintance from church today, and for using it to help me grow.\n\nI give thanks knowing that everything is according to Your will, and that this is the path You have set before me.<\/li><\/ol>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
            \n\t\t\t\t
            \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
            \n\t\t\t
            <\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
            \n\t\t\t\t
            \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
            \n\t\t\t\t\t
            \n\t\t\t\t
            \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
            <\/div>
            Friday<\/div>
            03rd July<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
            \n\t\t\t\t
            \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

            \u2013<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

            \n\t\t\t\t
            \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
            1. \u2013<\/li><\/ol>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
              \n\t\t\t\t
              \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
              \n\t\t\t
              <\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
              \n\t\t\t\t
              \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
              \n\t\t\t\t\t
              \n\t\t\t\t
              \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
              <\/div>
              Saturday<\/div>
              04th July<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
              \n\t\t\t\t
              \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

              I went to Friday Holy Spirit Service yesterday for the first time in a while. That made me sleep in late, so I slept for a long time.\n\nWas there anything different? No, not a single thing was different.\n\nIf someone asks why I went, there is no particular reason. The Father simply bade me go, and my body just moved.<\/p>

              Anyway, I skipped cleaning the office today so I could wrap up the shield design.\n\nI thought my eyes were going to pop out. I finished it up, but.. I won't really know until I print\/cast it.\n\nAs of right now, I'm not really feeling it. There's a specific image floating in my head, something I really want to bring to life..\n\nBut it hits a wall with my current skill level. No matter what I tried, it just didn't satisfy me.. so I ended up settling for a backup plan.<\/p>

              And then I went to the church prayer meeting. This, too, was simply because the Father bade me go, and my body moved.\n\nThere really was no reason. I just went. The Father wanted me to. It truly wasn't my ego.\n\nStill unable to know the Father completely, my mind was filled with thoughts like \"Why? What are You trying to teach me?\"\n\nThe question for the meeting was: \"What is the crown I need to lay down before God?\"\n\nAt first, I thought of time. But I have already let go of the concept of time, and I am merely waiting for the Father's timing in a state of awareness.\n\nThen what next.. As I listened to other people's answers, the only thing that came to mind was 'ego'.\n\nYet, I had already laid down my ego as well. What on earth was I supposed to lay down?\n\nThat's right. I should have just answered that. That I have already laid down all my crowns.\n\nHowever, I ended up painting an image. In the end, the ego I had laid down reconstituted itself, and it painted an image.\n\nThat image was: \"If I say this, won't I seem arrogant and pretentious to people?\"\n\nAnd I realized once again that I do not trust the Father completely, and that I was continually pulling the Father down.\n\nBy telling people that I was growing distant from the Father.. when in truth, I had never once been distant from Him.\n\nJust like that, I deceived myself and pretended not to know the Father. On the way home, only emptiness wrapped itself around me.<\/p>

              Do I have to go to church tomorrow? I said I wouldn't go, but the me of tomorrow might be different again.\n\nAll I feel inside is a desire to repent once more and draw near to the Father.\n\nSo tomorrow, I will do as the Father commands. Please listen to my repentance today, and grant me Your forgiveness.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

              \n\t\t\t\t
              \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
              1. Father, thank you. Through this sharing, I have come to realize that I am still lacking, weak, and prone to hiding away.\n\nI also realized that I still do not know You truly, and that while my head speaks of You, my heart does not fully feel You.\n\nThank you, Father, for always bestowing such teachings upon me, for forgiving me, for protecting me, and for watching over me.<\/li><\/ol>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
                \n\t\t\t\t
                \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
                \n\t\t\t
                <\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
                \n\t\t\t\t
                \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
                \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
                \n\t\t\t\t\t
                \n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/i><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/i><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\te99 *bY -11<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\n\t\t\t\t\t