JOURNALING (주간 일기) #145

jOURNALING #145

sUNDAY

8th mAR

I had migraines again this morning. I think I shouldn’t sleep too long.
I was late arriving home yesterday, around 12:00 AM, so I couldn’t wake up as usual.
That’s why I woke up at 10 AM. Ha… fuck.

My partner signed the new contracts. Everything is going well.

When I was praying during the worship, I choked up again.
I know my feelings well; I know how to compliment myself and comfort myself.
I forgave everyone I know, but not myself.
It was the first time I realized I hadn’t forgiven myself for a long time.
So I prayed about it, and I choked up.

You know what? I realize something now:
if you criticize yourself, don’t try to make yourself disappear.
He is also yours, so forgive him.

I appreciate God for forgiving me.

mONDAY

9th mAR

We dissolved our business partnership. It was easy.
Now I have more responsibility than before.
I will grow this business, but God will do it, not me.

I think SEO is not important for our website.
What matters most is a schema, I guess.
So I’m setting it now. The AI searching system is being used more than before.

Btw, I took a pic of our croissant ring with a friend.
I should do something creative.
I have a big picture, but I don’t know if I can make it.
Even though I’m not sure, I will try.

I appreciate God for making everything I planned go well.

tUESDAY

10th mAR

I woke up late again. I think when I use my brain a lot, it makes me too tired.

Btw, I made a poster of a croissant ring! I need to improve my drawing style.
I found my style. I will improve it.

Nothing I did today. I couldn’t go to the office because I woke up late.
Tomorrow, I have plans with people who go to the same church.

I actually don’t like meeting more than three people, but I will try it.
It could be different. They are completely new people, so I wonder.

I appreciate God for giving us the Bible.
I appreciate God for making us beautiful.

wEDNESDAY

11st mAR

Today I experienced a no-show. It was the first time in my life.
But strangely, it didn’t bother me.
Instead,
it gave me the chance to have a deeper conversation with the group leader, and that was good.

Ninety percent of my thoughts are probably wrong anyway.
So maybe it’s okay to just try things without worrying too much.

She said she was busy with work and simply forgot.
Well… even if there was another reason, she didn’t seem like someone who would lie.

Hmm… on my way home, the devil whispered to me again.
“If someone doesn’t respect you, you shouldn’t respect them either.”
But even this side of me, I chose to forgive. I prayed and decided to surrender it to God.
Even so, I will still love and respect that person as my neighbor.

There are enough reasons for me to ignore them. But I don’t want to do that.
In fact, they might feel worried about this situation,
so I want to let them know that they don’t have to worry.

God… I have forgiven the evil within me. I surrender even that to You.
May my life be filled only with Your grace, blessings, love, and glory.

Thank You, God, for taking away all the evil within me.
Thank You, God. Your love is enough for me.
I have even gained the courage to be disliked by someone.
Thank You, God. Only now do I realize that Your love is greater than anyone else’s.

tHURSDAY

12nd mAR

I should be alone. Solitude is the only one I can have.
No friends. No girls. No network. Just solitude with God.

It’s not loneliness. I know it, but it’s a sad thing, you know.
There’s no one with whom I can have a conversation about my feelings and my pain.
Only God hears me.

That’s enough. I don’t need anyone.

I appreciate God for being with me.
I appreciate God for hearing my pain and feelings.
I appreciate God for loving and recognizing me.

fRIDAY

13th mAR

fRIDAY

13th mAR

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sATURDAY

14th mAR

Yesterday I attended an overnight prayer service,
and today I went to the evening service for the church building project.

Something strange happens after I know there’s an event at the church.
Before I even start thinking, my body reacts first.
There’s no “Should I go or not?”
If there’s a prayer meeting, my reaction is simply, “I should go.”

But once I arrive in front of the church, I often find myself thinking,
“Why did I come here?” I don’t really know why.

Recently, I even started thinking that the church feels like a playground to me.
Prayer, for me, is something like play.
Maybe it’s because my heart feels at ease there.

It’s true that church services sometimes disrupt my daily routine,
But strangely, it doesn’t feel uncomfortable.
Yesterday, while I was praying during the evening service, I heard something like God’s voice.

“Do whatever you want.”

Maybe it was just a voice I created in my own mind.
I don’t think I have enough discernment yet.
It wasn’t as strong as the voice I heard during the retreat,
but there was still a kind of trembling feeling, and it came in the same way as before.

Ninety percent of my thoughts are wrong anyway.
So this time, I’m just going to follow the words without trying to predict anything.
I think I’ve made this resolution many times before… haha.

Ah! DJing. The instructor I contacted before had actually replied to me, two weeks ago.
I didn’t notice it. So I reached out again, and yesterday they responded.
It seems like I might be able to learn from them.
I’m planning to contact them today or tomorrow and hopefully meet soon.